It’s finally a beautiful day here in Pennsylvania, sunny and 80 degrees, which is a nice reprieve from the last week of blistering 95-98 degrees with high humidity. Weather where you wilt in 60 seconds. So, I decided to camp out on our deck to write my next post for Hope Through Chronic Illness.
To say that the journey through Chronic #lyme disease is challenging is an understatement. I’ve been absent since February because I’ve been under intense treatment for my Lyme disease, I had a hernia repair surgery in February, and my husband has been experiencing a severe IBS flare since early April. When I had free time, I didn’t have the energy or motivation to write. Frankly, I didn’t think I had much hope or positive thoughts to share with you, as I’ve been wrestling with God on who He is and what He’s doing in our continued suffering.
BUT GOD…He showed me as I read His Word and assisted so many Lyme warriors online with resources that I still had a message to share.
August 2023 marks 19 years of battling Chronic Lyme disease in its many forms. Years of victory and remission, and years of debilitating neurological and physical symptoms. Most anniversaries are for celebrating, but this is one I’d rather not acknowledge. And many of you have these “anniversaries” too that you want to gloss over.
God has reminded me recently that I am His first, and He has a plan for me. Yet I’m not currently crazy about His plan and how He’s chosen to live out that plan in my life. I’ve dug in my heels in a tug of war between me and God for my husband’s and my health.
My hope and security used to be built on good health and a comfortable lifestyle. But seven years into our marriage, I realized that good health, a fulfilling career, and a comfortable life wasn’t secure at all. And none of that has been secure in the intervening 36 years either.
In our almost 43 years of marriage, we’ve endured the following health diagnoses: my Ulcerative Colitis, my husband’s Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), our son’s Crohn’s disease at age 6, my husband’s position changes allowing him to continue working, travel to the Cleveland Clinic multiple times for treatment of the CFS, our daughter’s Crohn’s disease in college, my neurological breakdown which was the start of my journey into Chronic Lyme disease, my husband’s cancer diagnosis/treatment, hundreds of doctors’ visits, and thousands of dollars in treatment.
If you are healthy, you may gloss over this post or not read it at all. However, none of us are immune from tragedy, loss, or suffering. I’m daily evaluating who my foundation is built upon. It can’t be on family, health, careers, money, success, or even the church- all these things can be fleeting.
Job is a man in the Bible who was very wealthy, had a large family, home, and thousands of livestock. He was one of the richest men of his time. He was a man of integrity who feared God and turned away from evil. In the heavens, God and Satan had a conversation about Job. Satan said Job was blessed because God put a hedge of protection around him, but if God took everything away, Job would curse him.
In one day, Job received messages that all of his livestock were taken or destroyed, all of his sons & daughters died from a house collapsing, and all but a few servants were killed. Job didn’t curse God but said God gave and has taken away. Satan visited God again and God said that Job didn’t curse Him even though everything was taken away. So Satan said, “A man will give up everything he has to save his life. But reach out and take away his health, and he will surely curse you to your face” (Job 2:4)! Job was struck with boils from head to foot.
He had three friends who tried to explain why this was happening, and his wife told him to curse God. Job had a pity party, explained how blameless he was to the Lord, and expressed his anguish. “I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer. I stand before you, but you don’t even look. You have become cruel toward me. And I know you are sending me to my death” (Job 30: 20-23).
I can definitely relate to Job. Many things have been taken from our family because of our health issues, and I’ve cried out in anguish to God. “What’s going on, God? Do you see us? Why can’t we even come up for air between health issues? How are we supposed to have hope through these chronic illnesses? Where are you?”
God’s answer to Job? “Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? I have some questions for you, and you must answer them (Job 38:2-3).
UH OH.
God spends the next three chapters proclaiming His power, majesty, and wisdom starting with, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined its dimensions? What supports its foundation and who laid its cornerstone as the morning starts sang together and the angels shouted for joy” (Job 38: 2-7)? God ends with “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers (Job 40:20)?
Job’s final response: “You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance” (Job 42: 3, 5-6). God did restore Job’s fortunes and even gave him twice as much as before. Job lived 140 years after that and died an old man who had lived a long, full life.
Job saw God with the eyes of faith and spiritual understanding. He could therefore accept God’s ways with him, which include suffering. Even in Job’s rage when he challenged God, he spoke honestly before Him and truthfully about Him. And he never cursed God, as Satan said he would. What faith, what belief, what surrender!
My husband very gently reminds me of the blessings we have from God: Jesus, who gives us salvation and strength in this life and eternal life with him; a strong and godly marriage; a family who loves us; great friends and a church family who pray and support us; continued financial stability in spite of our healthcare expenses; active lives in spite of our chronic health challenges; and many more.
Like Job, I must surrender once again my life and everyone and everything in it to God. His love is unfathomable and His power has no limits (including over Satan). Instead of rejection, I receive His grace and mercy over and over. He has given me peace amidst chaos and supernatural strength amidst my physical and mental weakness. Our family’s suffering has allowed me to appreciate and notice things I never would have if I were healthy, to comfort others walking the same path, and to be much less judgmental of others.
So where does that leave me in my tug of war with God? In the mud, imperfectly and humbly surrendered, looking up to see God with my own eyes.
HOPE through chronic illness 
Hi Jackie,
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div>I read this when I got it, but couldn’t reply
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So sorry you were unable to comment, but this comment came through. What happened when you tried to comment? Thanks for reading the post!
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